Hummingbird's Malted Chocolate Cupcakes

Hello my loyal and obsessive fans. (I am of course addressing myself and my boyfriend who occassionally checks for a genuine mention on here)

My grandma looked once too for my cheesecake recipe, jammy slut.

So since I got back from Tel Aviv I've done relatively fuck all. But it's been a nice fuck all. I've basically sat around watching The Runaway Bride over and over again crying and smoking. 
In fact it got to the point where Toni left my house while we were halfway through the movie, and the next day when she asked what I was doing I had to tell her I was still watching it.

She does look like a bell when she moves :')

So I've utilized my free house well.

Also had my self a little partA last night, which is basically what comprises of a large group of people spending the evening with me staring at them whispering 'eat my cake'. Good times.

It was a very nice night though, I was reunited with Tally and it felt so good. I also learnt about Titty-aura from Richard and Pedram.

I learnt that it is the effect of being surrounded by great pairs of boobs that creates a calming and happy atmosphere. I suspect it derives from memories of breastfeeding. Poor messed up boys.
Either way, with Tash Biber in the room, the titty-aura was apparently on form.

 Phwoar. Feeling calm yet?

My childhood stalker Alex came and brought his two friends that happened to be all kinds of weird.
They kind of tanked when we invited them to play 'I've Never.'
I thought it would be nice to get them involved, until they opened with 'Er, I've never fucked a girl, realised she's bleeding and carried on.'
...no neither mate.

Maura, Ilana, Jess and Tash all requested a mention.
Tash has already had hers.
Here's the deal on them:
Maura is a slut and her boyfriend has run off with mine out of despair.
Ilana likes feet.
Jess is an ugly ginger.
There, mentioned.

So the night slowed down a little, Alex stayed for a while and I made his friends help tidy up in exchange for me waxing Alex's chest.

 You thought I was joking...

I then got into bed with a cup of tea and went on chatroulette telling people to sort their lives out.

So how does all of this relate to cupcakes?
It doesn't.
Except these cupcakes were eaten last night and I just enjoy talking about myself.
So the cupcakes.
There's this place in St. Albans called The Waffle House. It makes the most amazing malted chocolate milkshake that I've been craving ever since I first had it at age 10. When I discovered this recipe I had to do it, because that malty taste is just the yummiest thing in the world.
Here goes:

Ingredients

Sponge:

150ml sunflower oil

75ml milk

75ml buttermilk

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla

240g flour 

25g cocoa powder

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt 

330g caster sugar

150ml boiling water

Frosting:

200g dark chocolate

240ml double cream

115ml malt powder

50g cream cheese

35g caster sugar

Malteasers to decorate

1. Preheat oven to 190C. Whisk the blue ingredients and sift the red in a seperate bowl.
2. Alternate the dry ingredients with the boiling water in 3 shifts mixing into the initial mixture.
3. Divide into paper cases and cook for 18-20mins.
4. Meanwhile melt the dark chocolate in a pan slowly and set aside to cool. Whisk the double cream with the malt powder to create stiff peaks.
5. In a seperate bowl, whisk the cream cheese and sugar, then mix in the melted chocolate and add this to the double cream malt.
6. Use a palette knife to swirl onto cooled cupcakes.