Boob Cake

I've been told in the past that my style of baking and blogging is somewhat 'innapropriate'.

I decided they were wrong, and that it was time to prove them right.

Enter boob cake.

I decided to make this cake for my lovely friend Martha's leaving party, as she, like the rest of the world is fucking off to Israel. When I told her I was making a cake she suggested this as a joke, but should've known better that I'd DEFINITELY go through with it. Who knows, maybe this will open up a whole world of pornographic baking and I'll re-define the 'spotted dick'.

I've made boob once before, for my friend Richard's birthday. If you read my last post, he's the one involved with 'titty-aura', much to Pedram's protesting that it's 'his thing'. I need to stop using quotations, it makes me feel like Joey when he kept using them at the wrong times...

So yes, as a co-creator of 'titty-aura', Richard is a big fan of boobs. He always tells me how mine are looking if I'm having a rough day, because that's what friendship is all about. I always tell him when his shirts are too tight and make him look like a sailor, because I'm an asshole.

So although making boob cake was very fun, the presentation of it was much to be desired. I brought it with me to a testosterone clad pub and had to stand around pretending to be amused all of the hundred times another guy cleverly said 'nice rack' and then laughed at his own joke.

I then finally found Martha and put my tits on the table, only to discover that her Dad and Stepmum would be joining us. Who I've never met. I didn't think my biggest problem meeting someone's parents would be avoiding them looking at my nipples. It was awkward to say the least. Martha's Dad tried to talk to me about 'The Iliad' while averting his gaze, which would've been fine except for that I haven't read the Iliad, and so gave some unfounded opinions on the tone of the book...based on Troy the movie. (I should've used quotations there but I felt awkward.)

The first time I made boob cake, I made lots of errors so this is an opportunity for me to teach what I've learnt about handling sugarpaste.

So here's some tips on how to construct a boob cake:

1. Using any cake mix, fill two small identical saucepans and cook in the oven for as long as you normally would until a toothpick comes out clean.

2. Leave to cool and sit the two cakes next to eachother, then coat in buttercream.

3. For the boobs, you should get fleshcolour sugarpaste, and a colour for the bra you want your boobs to be wearing. Mine got a corset because they're fancy. You need to roll out the fleshcolour and lay it over the two cakes and smooth down the edges, cutting off the excess. Then layer the bra colour on top and decorate.

Sugarpaste tips:

* knead the sugarpaste for 5min before you roll it, this prevents it cracking

* when rolling out the sugarpaste, use only a little icing sugar on the surface, and don't allow any icing sugar to come into contact with the sugarpaste that will be on show. 

* Make sure to spread the buttercream thin, otherwise it will clump underneath the sugarpaste

Guy Pollack is inferior