Sorry, that was harsh. After all, you may be reading a cake blog but nothing screams 'dying alone' like the girl who is most likely to get choked to death by a cloud of icing sugar.
I am aware and apologetic that I have been absent from baking and blogging about baking for so long, but I have been devoting my time to writing about the ins and outs of my friends sex lives (pun intended).
However fun it has been, it got to a point where every time someone told me a dirty story they would start with "don't blog about this!" and for my more fun friends it went a little more like "you should write about me, I had sex in the snow". Aside from being slightly concerned about the likelihood of my friend's bajengo catching pneumonia, mostly I just decided it was time to take a very little break and go back to cakes for this week.
However fun it has been, it got to a point where every time someone told me a dirty story they would start with "don't blog about this!" and for my more fun friends it went a little more like "you should write about me, I had sex in the snow". Aside from being slightly concerned about the likelihood of my friend's bajengo catching pneumonia, mostly I just decided it was time to take a very little break and go back to cakes for this week.
After all, I can vent so much more about my life here because as long as there are pictures of food no one seems to really mind. It's like an arrangement my best friend Dylan and I have; when he gets bored of me talking about my life then I have to take my top off and he agrees to carry on listening. You can't imagine the amount of times someone's walked into my room and seen me half naked with the echoes of '...and how do you feel about that?'
So here's the same situation: I'm going to tell you about what's been going on in my life recently, if you're not interested then just look at my cupcakes..
Today is the day that I have officially finished my Fresher's year of University. It has been the most incredible year (the parts that I remember that is) and honestly trying to drag myself away has been a difficult feat. I actually already left once this week, on Tuesday, but found myself back again less than 24 hours later because I couldn't quite leave without one last trip to Crisis.
I feel like one of those mothers with separation anxiety that can't leave their child at nursery...except instead of a child it's cheap vodka and bad music.
I feel like one of those mothers with separation anxiety that can't leave their child at nursery...except instead of a child it's cheap vodka and bad music.
There has been lots of change in this University year. I have dyed my hair 10 different colours to the point of threats from my hairdresser, all of course to realise in the end that I was happiest my natural colour (or the closest shade that L'Oreal makes to it). I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years, and went through all the natural stages of a break up: revenge rampage, date a gay guy (again), contemplate lesbianism only to realise that you're not comfortable saying Yo! to any sushi, and of course internet shopping debt. Thankfully all of this was confined to the short space of a very interesting two weeks. Aside from hair and boys, I've made the most amazing friends this year and have finally worked out what I really want to do with my life, and am actually getting started with it. That's right, I'm going to be a pornstar. No, I'm going to be a writer...but I shouldn't rule out doing a Kim Kardashian to get my name out there.
With the last week of term closing in on us, we Freshers have been enlightened on something known as 'goldrush.' For anyone that hasn't heard of this, it is just about the most romantic thing in the world. Imagine you are a third year student and about to leave University and realise that you want to make sure you've visited all the landmarks that campus has to offer. Now imagine that these landmarks are Fresher's vaginas. You get the picture. Essentially, this is a time for all horny third years to make sure that they have gotten with/on top of/inside every girl that they have wanted to that they will most likely never see again before the year's up.
Entertaining as it is to watch, it is much less entertaining to fall victim to it. A couple of my friends (not naming any names) have been blessed with this goldrush honour, as for the rest I've seen the third year boys snaking around Ocean nightclub smiling at the freshers like prey. This isn't to say that all the third year boys are bad, some of them are great guys. Not so great however, are the ones that refer to me as 'mini Steph' while smiling at me and running their hands down my back. I suppose in the mind of a drunk 21 year old, it wouldn't register that being patronised while reminded of the fact that they have most likely played tonsil tennis with your sister isn't so attractive to a girl.
It seems like all over Nottingham University this 2012-esque end of the world mentality is spreading like wildfire, as everyone seems to be ending their year totally intoxicated confessing their feelings for one another and generally creating an atmosphere like a cheap Latino sitcom. Last night at Crisis alone there were three confessions of love, two rejected friend kisses and countless shouting, crying and throwing drinks. I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.
Now that I'm home however, I get to enjoy the luxuries of baking, London clubbing (cute bartenders inclusive) and spending time with my wife Tallie who mostly just eats the cakes and steals the cute bartenders..
THE CAKE BIT
I decided that if I was going to write a cake post after all this time, it should be a recipe that is classic, delicious and easy to do. Nothing says classic cupcakes like Red Velvet. I would be lying if I said this was the first time I have baked anything recently. There have been 6 occasions in which I have royally fucked up baking. I have cried almost all of them.
Last week I decided to make Whoopie Pies at a boy's house in an effort to make a good impression on his mum. An hour later, she couldn't have been less impressed to come home to a messy kitchen and some very depressed looking things that genuinely resembled nothing more than dog turds. However amused the boy was at my failure, it took a while for me to get over it.
I decided that if I was going to write a cake post after all this time, it should be a recipe that is classic, delicious and easy to do. Nothing says classic cupcakes like Red Velvet. I would be lying if I said this was the first time I have baked anything recently. There have been 6 occasions in which I have royally fucked up baking. I have cried almost all of them.
Last week I decided to make Whoopie Pies at a boy's house in an effort to make a good impression on his mum. An hour later, she couldn't have been less impressed to come home to a messy kitchen and some very depressed looking things that genuinely resembled nothing more than dog turds. However amused the boy was at my failure, it took a while for me to get over it.
As for these Red Velvets, well they are the first thing I ever baked and they would never let me down.
Here's the recipe:
Here's the recipe:
- 60g unsalted butter, at room temperature
- 150g caster sugar
- 1 egg
- 10g cocoa powder
- 20ml red food colouring (we recommend Dr. Oetker's or a paste colouring as red food colourings vary in strength)
- ½tsp vanilla extract
- 120ml buttermilk
- 150g plain flour
- ½tsp salt
- ½tsp bicarbonate of soda
- 1½tsp white wine vinegar
- 300g icing sugar, sifted
- 50g unsalted butter, at room temperature
- 125g cream cheese, cold
- 12-hole cupcake tray, lined with large cupcake cases
1. Preheat the oven to 170°C/325°F/gas mark 3.
2. Put the butter and the sugar in a freestanding electric mixer with a paddle attachment (or use a handheld electric whisk) and beat on medium speed until light and fluffy and well mixed. Turn the mixer up to high speed, slowly add the egg and beat until everything is well incorporated.
3. In a separate bowl, mix together the cocoa powder, red food colouring and vanilla extract to make a thick, dark paste. Add to the butter mixture and mix thoroughly until evenly combined and coloured (scrape any unmixed ingredients from the side of the bowl with a rubber spatula). Turn the mixer down to slow speed and slowly pour in half the buttermilk. Beat until well mixed, then add half the flour, and beat until everything is well incorporated. Repeat this process until all the buttermilk and flour have been added. Scrape down the side of the bowl again. Turn the mixer up to high speed and beat until you have a smooth, even mixture. Turn the mixer down to low speed and add the salt, bicarbonate of soda and vinegar. Beat until well mixed, then turn up the speed again and beat for a couple more minutes.
4. Spoon the mixture into the paper cases until two-thirds full and bake in the preheated oven for 20–25 mins, or until the sponge bounces back when touched. A skewer inserted in the centre should come out clean. Leave the cupcakes to cool slightly in the tray before turning out onto a wire cooling rack to cool completely.
(sexy and I know it)
5. Meanwhile for the cream cheese frosting: Beat the icing sugar and butter together in a freestanding electric mixer with a paddle attachment (or use a handheld electric whisk) on medium-slow speed until the mixture comes together and is well mixed. Add the cream cheese in one go and beat until it is completely incorporated. Turn the mixer up to medium-high speed. Continue beating until the frosting is light and fluffy, at least 5 mins. Do not overbeat, as it can quickly become runny.
When the cupcakes are cold, spoon over the cream cheese frosting on top.
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