Surprisingly non - disgusting Cardamom Loaf

I am fully aware how unpleasant cardamom loaf sounds, but I assure you it is awesome.
I first started my romance with cardamom at Uni when my insane friend Sufi arrived with all her eastern remedies that her mum packed with her. This girl was basically stocked to be the Dalai Lama of A&E for freshers flu. I always picture her floating around her rooms with scarves chanting and grinding up herbs. The reality is she spends more time in my room laughing at her ridiculous boobs while I grind up herbs of my own finding...

So to my point, I always wander into her room whining about a new type of feeling unwell and deciding I'm dying from what can only be described as JHS (Jewish Hypochondriac Syndrome). Sufi's go to move is always her Mum's cardamom tea. At first I spat it out because it wasn't PG Tips and I take issue with change, but then I became so obsessed with it that I started literally stealing it.

It's got an amazing fresh and exotic flavour without tasting too herby. This cake is essentially designed for eating with tea, especially herbal tea. It's totally light and yummy without being sickly and you can just eat it all day. Unfortunately it is for that reason that I couldn't get a picture of it in it's full glory. I decided to have a Bridget Jones moment and eat it straight out the pan at 5am while talking about myself. Kate bore witness to this, as she now thinks she lives at my house. She actually said 'Hi Mum and Dad!' to my parents one of the last times she came over. At this point she had met them twice.

I have been eating this cake all morning watching Pretty Little Liars deciding that I know all the answers in spite of the fact that there's a 90% chance I don't know any of them. Either way I've spent my time stuffing my face and desperately contacting Sacha Feldman to tell her I've put a new piece of the puzzle together. To which she always says 'I know...everyone knows...it became obvious 3 weeks ago.' And then I cry and eat more cake and decide that PLL is going to end however I say so.

Even my mum has eaten it, as I slyly put a note on it saying 'Low-Fat'. I may has well written 'contains no food whatsoever', otherwise she just plain wouldn't have eaten it.

I know that no one who isn't directly looking for cake really looks at the recipe part of this, but this one is actually very simple and lovely. I think that you should grow some fucking balls and try to make it. You will feel like you've accomplished something this holiday aside from 'revising'. Or what boys straight up call 'masturbating while playing Xbox'. I'm talking to you Gibber. Jokes probably not.

Recipe:
190g caster sugar
190g butter
10 split and crushed cardamom pods
190g flour
3 eggs <3
1 tsp baking powder
25ml sour cream
splash vanilla extract

(LOOK HOW EASY IT IS, FUCKING DO IT)


1. Preheat oven to 170. Cream butter, sugar and crushed cardamom, mush in your 3 eggs.

2. Add flour and baking powder.

3. Add sour cream and vanilla extract.

4. Put in loaf tin, then oven for 50mins.

Do it bitches. It is so easy. Anyone that actually does this, or bothers to do any other recipe I have ever published please send me a picture: olivia.jane.geisler@gmail.com. I will be disgustingly impressed and put the picture in my next post.

Pina Colada Cupcakes

Apologies to my miniscule group of fans, for I have been extremely absent since the summer.

Late October I started studying at Nottingham University.

'Studying' is a loose term, since the most reading I've done has been on the back of paracetemol packets after waking up at 4pm. 

Its been the most amazing first term, so amazing that I haven't been able to stop and pick up a mixing bowl. Especially considering the fact that students are broke as fuck.

 After a certain point, money tends to be represented by tickets, cigarettes and takeaway. This is all organised on an epic trip to One-Stop where rich jewish students escape campus and fear the locals while getting money out. I've decided that the locals are possibly more scared of me, with my bright red hair and embodying Carrie Bradshaw in her misguidedly bad dressed days of the 2nd season of Sex and the City.

I'm quite certain I've eaten more Dominoes in the past 3 months than in my entire life, to the point that Milel (the guy who answers the phone) and I have developed a very promising relationship...that was until he asked me if I was sure I only needed one chocolate melt.

I decided to symbolise the past few months in a recipe, I would go with my first batch of alcoholic cupcakes. 

They represent nights like these:

And mornings like these:

I hosted a 'You Are What You Drink' party for my birthday this year in the brilliant Hoxton Pony in Shoreditch. This meant that everyone dressed up like their favourite cocktail. I was particularly impressed by the girl wearing a lemon on her head. Less so by the girls dressed as White Russian...hookers. 

Anyway, it got me inspired. 

The ultimate cocktail is of course the Pina Colada - and with enough Malibu in my house to sedate an army of Israeli soldiers, I decided to give it a go.

I love this recipe, and how the cupcakes have a glazed look to them. They taste gorgeous, like calorie fuelled shots!

Here's how it's done:

Ingredients

• 55g/2oz unsalted butter, room temperature
• 140g/5oz sugar
• 120ml/4floz coconut milk
• 1 large egg
• 140g/5oz plain flour
• 2tsp baking powder
• 425g/15oz can of pineapple rings, drained and chopped small

For the icing:

• 175g/6oz caster sugar
• 1 egg white
• 2tbsp coconut rum, like Malibu
1. Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F/gas 4. Line a 12-hole non-stick muffin tin with paper cases.
2. Cream the butter and the sugar together until light and fluffy. Mix the coconut milk and egg together and add to the butter and sugar. don’t worry if it looks a little curdled at this stage.
3. Sift the flour with the baking powder and add to the mixture, followed by the chopped pineapple.
4. Divide the mixture between the muffin cases and bake in the oven for 20 mins until springy to the touch. Leave to cool on a wire rack.
5. Place the icing ingredients in a heatproof bowl and place over a bowl of hot (not boiling) water. Use an electric whisk to beat the mixture until it thickens and forms soft peaks when you lift the whisk. This should take 5-6 mins. Remove the bowl from the heat and spread the icing on the cupcakes, working quickly before the icing sets. Decorate as you please.